It has been ages since we’ve updated our blog, and we sincerely apologize for it. Parenthood suddenly upped a few levels and it has been quite hard to cope. It has been so tough lately that I’ve been tempted to just drop everything and walk out. It is even harder when those you thought were peers were telling you things like, “So hard meh?”, “You’re just being drama and emo”. Really? Is that why every parent blogger and “influencer” seems to be holding it all together so easily with pretty mommies and perfectly behaved kids? Maybe if I have a helper at home, things wouldn’t be as crazy but not everyone is so lucky. Or maybe if I don’t have to work on top of being mom, it wouldn’t feel so stressful.
Well, I’m guessing nobody wants to tell it like how it is. It looks better when you tell everyone that you look great, kids are angels, and you even have the best gifts and attention from your ever-so-loving hubby who never seem to run out of patience and money. Unfortunately, I seriously doubt it. All those “it is all worth it in the end” quotes makes me question who the heck wrote them. (I never take part in those anyway. I personally feel it is just self-gratification. Yes, I am a cynic. Lol)
But yeah. If you think you are a bad mother for wanting to walk out sometimes, don’t feel bad. Yes, I am telling that to myself too. It is overwhelming. I cry everyday trying to figure out how to juggle working freelance and earning that little extra money, making sure the family is happily fed and healthy, TRYING to keep the house from looking like a hurricane came through, and dealing with the irresponsibility of a preteen, the tantrums of a toddler, and a baby with separation anxiety – while trying to maintain my sanity. I’ve had to give up looking pretty, I gave up on trying to lose weight, and I dread going out because that would mean I look like shit in my clothes from all the postpartum weight, and dark circles and breakouts no makeup can cover. And oh yes, people will judge and compare how good you used to look, making it even harder to want to dress up and go out. It is rather embarrassing after all.
I keep telling myself, ALL THIS WILL PASS… but the passing seems like forever. And it is even worst when people keep telling how great my life is compared to others. Sorry, but right now I just can’t see past the bad.
I suppose this is a ranting sort of post that I don’t do very often, but I just wanted other parents out there to know that all that pretty shit you see on social media, is just the nicer side of things. It is normal to be frustrated, it is normal to feel ugly. Just don’t dwell in it and try to find that sliver of light in that dark dreary place called parenthood. And as I tell myself in a dazed mantra, “IT WILL PASS”.
The only thing stopping me from giving up is that my family will be crushed should I give up on them and walk out. And yeah, a glass of wine helps too. Haha.